After
by Rae325
Summary: This isn't the happy ending Regina imagined, but now all she can focus on is how to help the people she loves. Post-ep 4x19


Robin has been in the shower for nearly 40 minutes when Regina leaves a sleeping Roland on the couch with Henry to check on Robin. As she walks closer to the bathroom door she hears sobs over the pounding of the shower spray. It breaks her heart to think of Robin suffering, of what he's been through, and what the future will bring, all because he loves her.

She doesn't want to intrude, not if Robin needs this time alone to break down. But Regina knows what it's like too well to be alone with your pain, and she doesn't want that for Robin. She needs to help him through this, needs to make it better for him somehow. Before Regina can knock on the door she turns to the sound of soft footsteps.

Roland is standing in front of her with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Roland, sweetie." He reaches out his little arms to her, and Regina picks him up and hugs him.

"You went away," he mumbles into her neck.

"I'm sorry honey. I just wanted to check on your papa." His arms wrap tighter around her, and he just cries, tears wetting Regina's skin as she whispers, "I've got you. You're safe."

Roland clings to Regina, his fists holding tight to the fabric of her dress, his legs wrapped around her waist. He cries and holds on. Regina whispers to him, rubs what she hopes are soothing, slow circles on his back, and whispers to his over and over that _he's safe_ and that _she has him_.

Henry comes up the stairs; Regina thinks he's probably come looking for Roland, since she left Henry in charge of watching him. He stands and watches him mom and Roland, rooted to the spot until Regina walks to him and reaches out to cup his cheek in her palm. She gives him a smile and presses a kiss to his forehead. She no longer needs to bend down to reach him; soon she will need to beckon him to lean over so she can kiss him. Her beautiful, grown up little boy. He's been through so much himself, her strong, brave little prince. They've been through so much, the both of them, but here they are, together, so close now. "I love you," Regina whispers.

"I love you too Mom." Those words from her little boy warm Regina's heart and make her smile, even as she rocks and soothes Roland, even as she can still hear the shower running, knows Robin is there sobbing. Henry is here, and they made it through the hard times. She never gave up on fixing their relationship, and they are stronger for it. She would never give up what she and Henry have now for anything.

Regina clings to that thought as Henry goes to get ready for bed. She reminds herself that things change, that pain subsides, and that if she loves them with everything she has, then maybe she can heal Roland and Robin too. Maybe she doesn't just have to be the person who caused them this awful pain, maybe she doesn't have to run to protect them, maybe she can make this better for them by being in their lives.

Regina carries Roland to her room and sits down on the bed with him. "It's ok Roland. I've got you sweetheart." Regina presses a kiss to the boy's hair, his face still pressed tightly against her neck. She holds him in her arms and rocks him just a little, just the soft light way that she used to rock Henry when he was this age and crawled into her bed after a nightmare. Regina hopes it soothes Roland as well.

Regina stays with Roland in her arms, humming lullabies, rubbing his back, and pressing kisses to his hair until she feels him become limp in her arms, his breathing deep and even. She is holding him still some time later when Regina hears a knock on her front door.

Regina lays Roland down, grateful that he's a deep sleeper like his papa, and drapes the blankets around Roland. She runs downstairs, hopes she will return before Roland wakes, hates the idea that he may wake alone again.

Regina opens the door to find a very tired looking Emma. "Hey," Emma offers by way of greeting.

"Is everything ok?" Today has been a disaster, so why shouldn't Emma's appearance on Regina's doorstep herald further disaster.

"Yeah, fine," Emma rushes to reassure Regina. "I just wanted to see how you were. It's been a pretty shit day."

Regina laughs at the crassness, but oh does that just sum it up perfectly. "I'm ok. Robin and Roland need me right now."

"I get it," Emma says with a smile. "You know, if you need to vent or you need a drinking buddy or whatever, I'm always free."

Regina smiles, the offer making her feel warm, reminds her that somehow she has a whole family of people she can count on when she needs them. Emma does feel like family, like a real friend, certainly after this trip. "How are you?" Regina asks, knowing Emma's mind must be racing with all that she's faced within herself today.

Emma just shrugs, kicks her boot at the ground.

Regina smiles softly at Emma, finds herself feeling deeply protective of this woman. "The offer goes both ways. I have cider anytime you need it – I promise it isn't poisoned."

Emma chuckles, and then for a moment the two women just stare at each other taking in just how strange fate really is. "Thank you for today."

Regina shakes her head. "It was your decision."

"Yeah, but you helped me make the right one. I'm not sure I wouldn't have a hell of a lot of blood on my hands if it wasn't for you."

Regina smiles. It feels good to have at least been able to do this today, to stop Emma from going down the same awful path Regina had walked. "That's what friends are for right?"

"Yeah, that and doing shots together when their relationships get ridiculously complicated."

"I'll take you up on that soon. Thanks for checking on me."

"Sure. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Emma."

Regina hears that the water is no longer running up stairs. She takes a moment to turns off the lights in the living room, lingers a moment in the kitchen wiping down the counters and steading herself. Her mind is still racing, and she needs to be calm when she talks to Robin. She can't be seething with anger at Zelena, not when Robin is so afraid that Regina will be angry with him. Tomorrow Regina will let Emma get her drunk, and maybe she'll even let Snow give her a hope speech. Right now though, right now, Regina will push the worries from her mind, and focus on the fact that for the first time in nine weeks she has all the people she loves most in the world under one roof with her.

Regina turns off the lights in the kitchen and walks up to the bedroom. She checks on Henry first, finds him sound asleep in his bed. It's something she will never take for granted. Regina stays and watches her boy for a few minutes, just staring at her precious, wonderful son.

With a heavy heart Regina walks to her bedroom, to the people she knows are in so much pain. She finds Robin sitting in the middle of her bed staring at Roland. Robin looks up at Regina when she walks in, lets out a deep, shaky breath. She smiles sadly at him. "How is he?" Regina asks, nodding at Roland. It's easier to talk about Robin's son, so much easier than talking about Robin and Zelena and her pregnancy.

"Sleeping soundly. I don't know how to make this ok for him."

Regina sits down next to Robin, watches the little boy curled up under the blanket, finally peaceful. She wants to find Zelena and rip her heart out for what she did to Roland. But it won't make anything better, Regina knows this, she does. What Roland needs isn't vengeance on his behalf. He needs safety and love and Regina can give him that. She hasn't done too many things right in her life, but she knows how to love a child. She already loves this little boy so much.

Regina slides her fingers between Robin's, slowly, cautiously looking at him now. "He's a strong boy, and now he will have to be stronger than any child should need to be. But he will be all right. We'll help him through this." Robin looks at Regina with surprise. She wonders if she's overstepped, if she's assuming too much about Robin's feelings. "If you want me," she clarifies, "I'll be right with you and Roland."

"Of course I want you. I've wanted you every second." He sounds desperate, like he's pleading with Regina with each syllable. "Every moment apart from you I felt as if there was a hole in my heart. I know you mustn't believe that now, but it is the truth." He looks so terribly defeated, eyes red and face puffy from crying.

"I'm so sorry. I wish I could take this all away and just make it better. I'm sorry Robin. This is my fault."

"Regina no. How could you say such a thing?"

Regina shakes her head, hadn't meant to say it, didn't want to burden Robin with her guilt, not now when he's in so much pain. She squeezes his hand. "I understand every choice you made. You believed your wife came back to you."

"I knew she was different. I should have known. How was I so stupid?" He's nearly screaming, and Regina looks quickly at Roland. Still sound asleep.

"You weren't stupid," Regina tells Robin, the hand not holding his reaching up to caress his cheek. "You are a good and honorable man, and you were trying to do right by your family."

"I betrayed you." It's barely a whisper, and then Robin is crying, and Regina is wrapping her arms around him. "I betrayed you Regina, and you shouldn't forgive me."

Regina holds him tightly, lets him bury his face in her chest, pressing himself ever closer. "There's nothing to forgive."

"I dishonored you. I dishonored the memory of my wife. Look what I've done to my son."

Regina shakes her head, hates that she knows there is no way to make him believe her when she tells him, "None of that is true."

"How can I drag you into this mess? A baby with that woman."

The thought of it makes Regina's head ache. She thinks she would gladly raise Robin's child, would love him or her as her own. But the thought of Zelena forever tied to their lives, forever trying to hurt the people Regina loves, makes Regina want to scream.

"I told you Robin. I'm right here if that's what you want. If you still feel the same way."

Robin looks up at Regina, his hands still holding tight to her. "Regina, of course I feel the same!" He's looking at her with so much pain, like he's ruined everything, like he hates himself so much.

This could fall apart. This morning Regina stood in front of Robin while he told her he was choosing his wife. Regina understands, she does, doesn't blame him for that choice at all. But she can't help the way it hurts; she can't help the fear that creeps in that maybe Robin doesn't love her enough to stay despite the pain she's caused him, despite who she is and everything that comes with loving her.

But Regina loves Robin so much, and she's done being afraid, she's done trying to protect her heart, not if it means missing out on the possibility of having Robin. She ran from him once before, and she won't do it again.

"We will get through this together," Regina promises, her hands holding Robin's face, looking into his eyes, now shining with tears. "Whatever you need, I'll be here."

"I don't deserve-"

"You do," Regina interrupts. She feels so terribly guilty; if anyone is undeserving it is her. She leans forward and presses a feather light kiss to Robin's nose. "You should try to rest."

"Is it all right if Roland and I sleep here? I understand if you need space from me right now."

"I want you both here with me. We've been apart for too long." Robin smiles a little, but Regina still needs to ask, needs to make sure. "What do you want Robin?"

"I want you. I've wanted to be with you for so long."

Regina leans back against the pillows, pulling Robin gently with her as he curls further into her embrace.

"We will be all right Robin. The two of us and our children. _All_ of our children. We'll be all right."

Robin looks up at Regina, awe and love and gratitude shining in his eyes. Regina smiles back at him, running a hand through his hair and whispering, "It feels good to have you in my arms again."

Robin is tearful as he leans towards Regina and presses a soft kiss to her lips, sighing against her like he can finally breathe for the first time in months. Regina understands.

"Try to sleep Robin. I'll be right here."


End file.
